Mid-Life Crisis? Who, me?

It’s funny how you go along in life, time passes by so quickly and then you suddenly realize….YOU are middle-aged.

 I used to think that middle-aged meant someone well into their 50s - mostly because I never really did the literal math of a middle-aged person. But if you consider that the average life span for a woman these days is around 81 years, then I most certainly am middle-aged.

I have these moments when I wonder if I’m having a mid-life crisis. I think we all know how that stereotype plays out in men – buys sports car, divorces wife for younger woman, blah blah blah. But for a woman, what does a mid-life crisis look like?

Clearly, not everyone runs off with a youngster, buys a Ferrari or tries to create an alternate reality (where others still see you as a 25 year old) if they’re content in their lives. For me, I think crisis plays out in self-reflection, self-realization and facing the inevitable that each day is a little closer to death. That might sound a bit dark on the surface, but if you are as happy-go-lucky as I am, it morphs into something beautiful and ultimately fulfilling.

At this stage in my life, I just want to be happy and healthy. I want to travel and see incredible things with my eyes that my mouth cannot explain. I am incredibly fortunate to have found someone to love who loves me back, unconditionally. We have little fur babies who are such a joy (our “kids”) and who also love unconditionally. We have a loving and supportive family and a small circle of people we can actually call friends.  We have all of our basic needs met – food on the table, roof over our heads, etc.

I don’t need millions of dollars in the bank to make me happy. Money cannot buy my happiness. Some people think differently. I say to those people: you might get everything you want, but is it what you need? For your soul?

Too often, I see people chasing dollar signs – mostly because they have to stay fashioned in their luxury cars, and be able to afford those McMansions and the trendiest clothes. But if all those things burst into flames right now, what would they have left? Sure, money makes things a little easier, but it’s not everything. Now, I’m not saying that you can’t have it all. I’m just saying that one day all those material possessions won’t matter.

At the end of your days, if you can look back and say, “I was loved,” then you’ve lived a great life! And that can mean love from anyone – your partner, friends, family, pets – whoever you have in your life that brings you joy! Love comes in all shapes, colors, sizes and sources. If you have it, consider yourself blessed! And if you give it, then you have brought it all full circle.

Love goes on long after we do.

Now, that’s a nice legacy! And if realizing what’s most important is my mid-life crisis? I’ll take it. 

Born To Love

I’ve been trying really hard to come up with the exact point in time when we all used to get along, as a people – as a country. I’m still working on that one, but I know it was in my life time. I don’t ever remember a time before now that I was in utter awe and disgust at things coming out of people’s mouths. I’m also trying really hard to forget about this election and people at each other’s throats. I honestly feel that if I put a bumper sticker on my car to support ANYONE that it would be set on fire within minutes by the radical opposition – and by radical, I pretty much mean anyone with a strong opinion and a can of gasoline.

Some have taken “opinion” to a new level. Opinion used to simply be a viewpoint, belief or outlook. Now opinions can get a few punches thrown your way – or even death. Ask any sports fan who’s been attacked for expressing a strong “opinion” to the opposition, if they survived. We’ve hit a new low in this country – one I sincerely thought I would never see in my lifetime.

I really do blame social media, though I probably should just blame the people who are being an ass, but I digress. Social media has given a powerful voice to the cowardly. A voice that can be heard from anywhere at any time and can be as destructive as humanly possible without any tangible consequences. It has created digital monsters that lurk and troll and create powerful enemies with their words, photos and rants, and likely, they NEVER have to face them. They are the antichrists of humankind, spreading evil throughout the world. I think these people are far more dangerous than any terrorist group on this planet.

I read somewhere that the chances of being killed by a terrorist attack are about 1 in 20 million. The odds of being murdered in America are roughly 1 in 6,100.  (Though, if you are in Chicago – well, just get the hell out of Chicago!) So, we post our strong opinions and hope and pray that we are not the targets of someone’s vengeance.

I’m a person who posts a lot off feel good fluff, for lack of a better description. I try so very hard to stay out of the mix and offer a little positivity and kindness to the world. But there are times when I have to stand up for things being said that are not okay. And in those moments, I advertise that I actually have a voice. Sometimes that makes people angry. Sometimes it makes them think.

I’ve always tried to stand up for injustices. I remember a specific time when I was younger and attended church with an entire family that was deaf/mute. Some of the kids in my Sunday school class were mocking one of the girls and how she sounded when she tried to speak. I remember crying so hard. I felt so bad for her. I was uncomfortable in immediate confrontation back then. So, I went home and wrote a poem about how we should treat people the same, no matter what and asked to read it that next Sunday in church. I could hardly get through it without choking up. I knew I was putting it all out there and would look up and see that family looking at me when I read the words I had written. I was terrified but it needed to be done. And all I wanted to do was let the offending kids know their behavior was not okay. And I wanted the family to know, especially that little girl, that I still loved them, despite others words and actions.

I think that sometimes, even as adults, we still have that need to be accepted. And sometimes teasing or mocking – whether it is a celebrity, politician or otherwise - sometimes the lines of decency are crossed. And you’ve got to be brave enough to stand behind the line and tell others why you won’t cross it.  You’ve got to stand up and fight for those who can’t.

Bottom line is, we’ve become too gruff and too rigid. We won’t tolerate or consider another’s opinion to the point of intentionally hurting them with words and rude comments. We are easily angered and agitated. Why are we this way? If this is you, please search your heart. If you engage – are you hurting someone in the process? Is it worth it to perpetuate the joke? Is it worth it to wound another for the laugh? Life is fleeting so it is ideal to make it the greatest you can and, though clichéd, put your best foot forward. 

You weren’t born to hurt others. You were born to love. 

WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN?

What is this world coming to? We are living in telling times. Times that speak volumes about who we are and what our legacy will be once we are long gone. 

As a writer, expressing emotions and revelations about the human condition with music, I tend to be an observer of people. I read, I watch, I listen - words, body language, actions. I see everything from a perspective not common to most. As a result, I always feel like I'm in a heightened state. It's not always a comfortable place to be - it causes me great pain when I see more of the bad than good. And when I see the good, it settles my soul. But we are living in a time when I've taken on some heavy emotions lately. Some observations...

We laugh and mock others for their misfortunes or mistakes. We sit behind lighted boxes saying things....awful things.....our parents would've made us wash our mouths out with soap for saying such things!! And if you do those things anonymously, you are even lower on the totem pole of dignity. 

We've made the unimportant our biggest time wasters, stealing us away from the things that should matter most. Violence, murder, etc. etc. - all commonplace on TV and in the movies we watch. We are no longer shocked by anything. We've put the worst out there to be seen and heard by all. If we are inconvenienced in our drive or commute by traffic, we expect to see at least blood - because it "better be something terrible if it's holding up my day." 

We laud and applaud loudmouths and reality show stars because they provide a source of entertainment. We put them on pedestals, rush out to buy the wares they're hawking so we can brag about what we have. We are making them millions for doing absolutely nothing while we are going broke, trying like hell to keep up with the Kardashians. It's nonsense. 

People read. People watch. People notice. I know, just from Facebook alone (because some folks just can't keep it to themselves), who's a hate-spewing bigot and who's trying to be a good person. I even have relatives who can't post ANYTHING good - not a word of kindness or joy in any of their posts. Just rhetoric or gloom and doom. What a sad place to live. But I don't feel bad for them because they made the choice to be that way. 

THIS IS NOT US. WE WEREN'T TAUGHT TO BE THIS OR TO ACT THIS WAY. 

We have become so lax in policing our own words or actions - how can we possibly expect future generations to be any better? We are not part of the problem - we ARE the problem. Either you are actively participating in or perpetuating this madness or you are not. There is no in-between. Even inaction makes you guilty by not saying or doing anything to bring some good into this world and shut down those who haven't a kind word in their vocabulary. Will you use your powers for good or for evil? 

Here's a news flash - no matter how awesome you think you are in life, death doesn't care because all graves are the same size. What do you want to be remembered for? What will be your legacy? One of love, acceptance and kindness? Or one of no integrity, no decency and no empathy.

I saw something earlier that said, "If the words you spoke appeared on your skin...would you still be beautiful?" 

The choice is yours.

Random Thoughts...From Your Dog

• If it makes me feel scared or stressed, I don’t want to do it!

• If you feed me, give me love and play with me, I will protect you to the ends of the earth and back. I will never leave your side.

• I will sleep in as long as you want to sleep in. Until I have to go potty….then we are ALL getting up!

• I need a lot of rest because it’s a big job protecting my family and our home.

• When we play, I’m ALL IN because I believe in giving 100% of myself 100% of the time!

• I guess that goes for eating and sleeping too. LOL! (Yes, I LOL….doesn’t your dog?)

• I get a little grumpy when I’m tired or hungry. If you feed me or let me take a nap, I’ll be much better!

• I really do trust you….until you try to hide things from me - - like that pill you wrapped up in my treat? Not funny.

• Please don’t take it personally if I don’t like going to the vet. I have a keen sense of smell and can pick up on the energy in the room. I can smell sickness…..even death. It makes me very sad and anxious.

• Please don’t get angry with me or raise your voice. It makes me feel bad – like I’ve disappointed you. And I never want to disappoint you. I am only here to love you and be a part of your life for a little while. Let’s make the best of it.

• Sometimes it’s your fault that I peed in the house. I try to tell you I needed to go outside, but you’re always looking at that flat box in your hand. I can only assume that flat box makes everything else invisible.

• When you say “go” – do you mean for a car ride or a walk? Please be specific because I have different celebration dances I’d like to try out.

• If you ever need a taste tester when you’re cooking, I’m a willing participant! I mean, if I spit it out, you know it’s not good or I just didn’t like the texture. Might be good information, especially if you’re going to invite people over.

• Speaking of having people over, you are RIGHT to not trust anyone that I don’t like.

• And last, but not least, I love to lick your face! Kisses make you laugh and I love to hear you laugh. It makes me happy to make you happy. Let’s be friends forever and know that even after I leave this earth, I am still with you – protecting you and loving you. 

Are You Happy Now?

Greetings from the land of fruits, nuts and flakes! It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged so I thought I’d take some time to sit down and write.

I’ve been thinking about moving to a place that is slower-paced than Los Angeles. A place with lush green vegetation…where people still offer up a smile when you pass them on the street. It is a little taxing on the soul being around so many faceless people day in and day out. The city is too big to travel much outside of a comfortable 5-10 mile radius. Traffic is a beast and prevents me from having a ‘nice drive’ anywhere….even on Sundays. The beach seems close to the average person – only about 25 miles. But add in an hour or more drive time and a minimum of 30 minutes to find parking (which can also be pretty expensive) and enter buzz kill. The water is cold-- even in the hottest part of the summer. I’ve never been able to get more than a calf in the water without the shrill cries of frigid agony.

For me, I think the city has lost its appeal. It may be because I don’t really like it here. I don’t care for the people – they’re too self-absorbed. It may be because I’ve grown complacent and tired in the pursuit of a writing career. I’m getting older, I have no retirement plan, no health benefits and no job security. But my desire to be happy is fully intact. So today I asked myself, “If you were truly happy, how would your life be different?”

I have been energized by the allure of moving to a calmer, nicer place. I was getting excited looking for houses and a different job. I was excited about being closer to friends and relatives. And then it hit me. Am I doing everything I can where I am to make change happen in my life? What will moving solve?

I think sometimes the enticement of something new is deceiving. It’s a huge task to take on – this moving business. It can be exhausting. And there’s no guarantee that in the end I will be any happier. What would it take to make me happy now? What changes need to occur to be happy where I am?

So, I ask you….are you happy now? What would it take? Are you doing everything you can to MAKE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS? It’s long since been said that you can manifest your own happiness. It’s a state of mind. It’s hard work and requires constant effort, this staying positive in such a negative world. But if we can truly manifest what we want in our lives, then what are we waiting for?

I have some work to do. How about you?