I GAVE UP

Last weekend, I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. Not the first time I’ve felt that way, since I’ve been living with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) for over 20 years. But after a few weeks of really struggling with it, it got the best of me. When you wake up, ready to face the world and RA throws a wrench in your engine, it’s a real spirit killer. So, I gave up. Done. I was tired of trying and tired of holding on to a hope that never pans out.

I. Gave. Up.

For five minutes.

I ugly cried, sulked and felt incredibly sorry for myself.

Then, I was over it. Surrender really doesn’t look good on me. So, I picked myself up, wiped off the tears and decided to forge on.

You see, every single day, I wake up hopeful. Hopeful that today will be easier than the last. Today, maybe I won’t be in excruciating pain. Today, maybe I can type like a normal person. Today, maybe I won’t drop things randomly when my hands go limp or lose strength. “Tomorrow might be better,” I tell myself as I slide into what should be peaceful slumber, but that doesn’t happen for me like it used to. Every single thing I do is some sort of challenge that I have to overcome.

RA comes with built-in challenges. I don’t think there have been more than a handful of days that I’ve actually felt “good” in 20 years. It’s a vicious disease and a silent one. Unless someone is physically giving you the once over and sees a few swollen fingers or limping there’s nothing to see. It’s internal and it wreaks havoc on your body. RA is a very different animal from osteoarthritis. RA is an autoimmune disease and affects much more than just your joints. It is systemic and, in addition to joint damage and chronic inflammation, it can cause inflammation in both organs and tissues. There’s no rhyme or reason why one day you’ll feel ok and the next you feel like hell. There is no cure, there is only disease management. And the journey to finding the right medical cocktail, diet and exercise combo is a daily commitment.

I guess the whole point of me even writing this is to give some insight to those who don’t understand this disease – or any silent disease for that matter. People like me smile, put on a great front and never really let on to just how much we have to endure. Complaining doesn’t serve any purpose for improvement and no one really wants to hear about your struggles anyway. They really don’t. And I don’t blame them. I don’t want to hear anyone constantly complaining, either. That kind of negative energy is bad, bad, bad. But, I digress. Point is, it’s okay to feel the way we do and it’s okay to communicate how we are feeling to others. You can’t handle everything by yourself 100% of the time.

Having the right support system is crucial to our state of mind. Reaching out to a loved one or friend or even a higher power is the one thing that can brighten a particularly awful day or moment of resign. Support, for me, is as important as medication, because it feeds my soul and gives me that human connection of understanding and love. It lets me know I’m not alone.

Dealing with any chronic disease is bound to be an emotional roller coaster. That’s just a part of life that you get used to. But, the human spirit is quite amazing. We do things we don’t want to because they’re necessary. We fight, even when we want to wave the white flag. We cry through the bad times and let it all out only to power through again to another build up and eventual release. It’s a never ending cycle. But having people by your side helping you push through is incredibly important.

I am so fortunate. I have an AMAZING partner – my much better half -  that helps me beyond all measure. She’s quick to recognize a need, even when I don’t ask. But, she doesn’t jump up to assist me every time I have an issue. She lets me work through things I can and helps with things I can’t. If she ever gets tired of helping, you’d never know it. She never complains and is always encouraging, even offering up some tough love when I need it the most. She’s the world’s greatest! But, I’m a little biased….

The moral of the story is, if you are dealing with something that seems way bigger than you at times, find someone you trust and reach out to them for support. No one can really know your struggles unless you tell them. And I know you’re tough and you’ve got this, but every now and again it’s nice to have someone to lean on. We are all connected. What are we if we can’t be here for each other when we need it the most?

And if you’re reading this as the support person for someone who is struggling with a silent, chronic disease, thank you. Thank you for being their “person” and for wanting to understand just how much we shoulder every day.

Be good to each other. We’re all we’ve got.

Time for 2018!

As we look straight down the barrel of 2018, I think we should all take a moment to remember what 2017 was like for us. Whether you found yourself wasting oodles of time debating politics on social media or found great success bringing your small business to online marketing, take the good, throw out the bad and set your goals for a new year of opportunity.

You don’t really notice when you’re in the moment, but social media is a huge time suck – even when you are just “checking in” on everyone. I personally found myself wasting a lot of time on social media, then realizing I was wasting time, and pulling back from it all to reclaim my time. It was quite liberating. I was able to get things done that were previously put off. I was able to catch up on some reading. I had more time to decorate for the holidays. I had more time for my family. I had more time for me. And those things have immeasurable value. In fact, the few months of pull back was so successful, I plan on pulling back even more this year. You can too! Set limits and stick to them! You will be amazed at how good it feels!

I know that social media is a great place to reconnect and have healthy discussions on a variety of issues or causes. But this past year has felt more like a social media war. 

Pulling out the positive.....people seem to be more engaged on the important issues. Discussions are good, but when they cross the line, know when to get out or find common ground before losing a friendship that is certainly more important than politics. 

The irony of posting this on social media is not lost on me.

As for me, I’m going to use all of my extra time to write more, play more and maybe even discover a new hobby or start a new project.  I’m going to finally start working out on a consistent basis (she says!). I really am going to try! I know if I just get started – make that first step – I will be better off for it in the long run. I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.

Stay positive. Think positive. And cheers to a healthy and successful 2018!

No More Bacon

I’m turning 46 in a couple of weeks. I’ll be less than a handful of years away from a half-century old. Maybe I should say a half-century YOUNG. I certainly don’t think of myself as old. But living with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) makes me feel older than I should. So, I made a commitment to myself last year: I will look my absolute best by the age of 50. I pushed the date out because I didn’t want to put too much pressure on myself or feel like a failure by giving a shorter timeline. To jump start my journey, I’ve been phasing out meat and trying to eat more whole foods on my way to being a vegetarian.

Over the past month, I’ve been keeping a “flare-up” journal  –  a record of the foods, etc. that cause me inflammation. I was already aware that beef/pork was an issue. For years, I have known that perfectly grilled steak or that beautiful slice of crispy bacon was going to cause me misery, yet I ate it anyway. The next day, I was swollen and in a tremendous amount of pain. I finally had to ask myself the question “is it worth it?”

In my journal keeping, I’ve found there are a lot of foods that are causing me misery, most of them animal fats (butter, sour cream, etc). Fried food and anything processed is pretty much out, too. Chicken breast was my go-to meat, but going without it too has made me feel noticeably better.

I’ve had a mostly vegetarian diet for the past two weeks and I can already tell a difference. When I eat something that’s questionable, I can tell immediately in my joints. My energy level is up – which is a BIG deal if you’ve ever know anyone with RA. I just feel better.

I know that this journey is going to be a positive one and is going to change my life. When you get to be a certain age you start to value things differently. Your health becomes of the utmost importance, because without you, you have no quality of life. I value quality of life – and in turn, I might get more quantity by making myself healthier overall.

I view this as me taking control of my health. Of course for now, I’m still on my $4,000/month biologic injection for my disease. And, I’ll still have to take an anti-inflammatory when I have a flare up. But, if I can reduce the number of flare ups caused by my intake, I can reduce the amount of meds I’ll need to help ease those flares. My ultimate goal is total remission. I had a short remission once. I’d love to induce a much longer one. I have full faith in my body, my mind and my choices to make it happen.

If you’ve been thinking of making dietary changes, no better time than the present. I guarantee you’ll feel better overall with more of a plant-based diet. Eat whole foods – the way nature intended. These manufacturers have us putting who knows what in our bodies on a daily basis. You don’t have to read an ingredients label when you’re looking at a zucchini.

I’ve already lost 5 ½ lbs! At this rate, I’ll be able to get into some of those jeans I’ve been hanging onto in my closet by Christmas! Make the change. You won’t regret it!

If Today Was My Last

I saw on a game show last night that when they surveyed 100 men about how many times a day they said “I love you” to their wife, the most popular answer was one. That was shocking to me.   

If you knew today was your last day alive, what would you do?  My day wouldn’t be about doing things I never got to do. My day would be about one thing: LOVE.

I would spend every moment making sure the love of my life knew how much she was loved. I would give infinite kisses and embrace her tightly. I would tell her everything I ever wanted to tell her but held back because I might’ve thought it silly or over-the-top at the time. It wouldn’t be silly now, it would be paramount. I would tell her not to worry about what’s to come without me, and assure her I would be there in spirit watching over her and protecting her. I would let her know that when she felt it was time to move on, it would be okay. No guilt! Life is to be LIVED and to be LOVED and that is the greatest gift of all.

I would tell her that she has given me more love than I ever felt I deserved. I would let her know that she made me incredibly happy and that I was so lucky that she chose me. I would walk her through some of my favorite memories and look back on our life together. I would let her know that I’m not afraid, that I’ll be okay.

I’d make sure she knows not to spend a lot of money on my funeral. I won’t need any of that because I’ll be gone. Elaborate funerals are for the living. She would be better served by using that memorial fund for a nice long vacation somewhere that she’s always wanted to go. Don’t waste it by dressing me up and putting me in a box for people to weep over. I’d tell her that I’ve had a great life because of the love she has given me and the amazing things we got to experience together.

I know that these things are easier for me to say than for her to feel. I’ve lost someone I loved. I know that pain. I know that feeling of emptiness and longing. But I think one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is to have the discussion about when your time comes. It’s inevitable for all of us, yet we avoid talking about it like the plague. And I know that it’s because I’ve lost someone, that I stress the importance of having that conversation.

Life is so fleeting. Just a blip and then we are gone. All we leave behind is our legacy, maybe some physical things and hopefully a lot of great memories. Knowing that, why do we get so caught up in our work and our devices that we don’t take time to express what everyone will wish they’d had when we’re gone?

The closer I get to the end of my life, the more I want to live, enjoy the moments, give all the love I can. I wish I’d done it all along, but at least I have today. Tomorrow might not come. But today I can give all the love I have in my heart to the greatest person I’ve ever known. I know she will keep it forever. And in this life, I have been loved. To me, that’s all that matters in the end.

Be good to each other.

Please excuse any misuses of tense in my writing. When I’m emotional, I just write from the heart – all rules are out the window. 

Momentum

Small minded people from their small, small towns

Are led like lost sheep, mouths closed, heads down.

The stories they are told are tried and true,

Used to control and spin the truth.

From generation to generation, tales passed on

Don’t ask and don’t tell, the ultimate con.

In secret they wonder what they would find on their own

Yet, they are always redirected and led back home.

There’s only one way out when you live in a bubble

It might cause controversy and trouble, trouble, trouble.

When you question the machine and powers that be,

You risk shaking leaves off the family tree.

It is easier to stay with what you know,

Than to go on your own and buck status quo.

There is much to be seen beyond, should you choose

But only if you are prepared to have and to lose.

The world is a-changing, never to stop

For the Earth is like a giant spinning top.

Progress is good, for the soul, for the mind

Let life in, don’t get left behind.

How I Got Southwest Airlines To Pay For Luggage Damage

On a recent trip to New Orleans, Southwest Airlines (SWA) destroyed my luggage. Prior to that, SWA has a great track record with me and my traveling companions. (Side note: their priority boarding is totally worth the extra $$.)

On this particular trip, I discovered a HUGE crack down nearly the entire length of my hardside suitcase. I did a quick search on the SWA website from my phone to find out their policy for reporting damage. What I found was you have 4 hours to report the damage in person at the baggage claim office. I did just that. The “service” from the baggage claim office was anything but that.

The first rep told me they couldn’t help me because they no longer pay for damage to your luggage. I asked for a supervisor (a second opinion of sorts) just to see if I could get a different answer and have another set of eyes look at my broken valise. She essentially confirmed that they were not going to help me and told me “it was going to break anyway, it was just  a matter of when.”

Despite my urging them to put something – anything – into their system as proof of me following their policy, they wouldn’t and ushered me out the door. Thanks for flying Southwest, eh? Hmm….so I decided to get on Twitter.  I posted pics and further provided time-stamped proof of my visit and my complaint.

It’s broken bad, almost like it got pinched or nearly bent in half making its way to my destination. I literally thought that my underwear was going to come flying out of the bag any moment. So, after holding up my party for nearly 30 minutes, we Ubered to the hotel and got settled in. Being proactive for the trip home, I walked all over NOLA trying to find something to hold my suitcase together on the plane. It was too big for me to carry-on, so once again, I would be at the mercy of SWA baggage handlers.

I finally found some duct tape and put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

When I got back home, I downloaded their claim form, filled it out complete with pics and receipts and sent it off to them hoping that someone would see this was clearly their fault and offer to replace it.

That’s not what happened.

I promptly got a denial letter back stating that since I didn’t report the damage within 4 hours to the baggage claim office that they “cannot accept liability for property that has been out of our care and custody for 11 days prior to reporting damage.” Well, that made my head hot! So, I decided to dig a little deeper into my research. I hit up GOOGLE and tried to find blog posts or message boards with stories of anyone who’d had success getting reimbursed for property damage. I found nothing but stories of the horrors of dealing with uncaring airline personnel – until I found this.

There was a notice sent out to the airlines from the US Department of Transportation (Office of the Secretary) around December 2015. The actual document can be found here: https://www.transportation.gov/airconsumer/notice-baggage-guidance-112415

The notice, in so many words, is a warning to airlines to revise their policies regarding damage to consumers checked baggage. It states that in many instances “carriers often post signs indicating they categorically refuse to compensate passengers” for damage and “also discouraged or refused to accept reports of such damage.” Finally, I found something that I could use to my advantage. And I did.

I printed out the notice and attached it with my rebuttal to my denial letter. I also decided to locate the organizational chart for SWA and CC some of the powers-that-be on my rebuttal just to make sure my voice was heard. For your entertainment, I’ve copied/pasted the letter below.  

This letter is in response to your reply regarding my recent luggage damage claim.

To your point of denying my claim based on the fact that you say I didn’t report it within the specified timeline:

I did, in fact, go to the Southwest baggage claim office at MSY airport immediately after getting my luggage from the carousel and seeing the damage. After a quick Google search, I read that the policy was to report that damage within four hours of the flight and I did just that. Unfortunately, the two claims employees there would not produce any sort of paperwork or input anything on my behalf into the computer system to log my visit, despite my urging. They said there was “nothing they could do for me” and to “have a good day” as they ushered me out of the office leaving me bewildered and disappointed. In my attempt to file my claim, I held up my travel party for more than 30 minutes. So, I also have a handful of other people willing to support my statements. Also, I encourage you to look at the video footage to verify my visit there. You’ve already got the flight info and times, as I listed that on my claim. If you need a photo of me for comparison, please do not hesitate to ask.

I have attached, for your reference, the NOTICE REGARDING DAMAGE TO CHECKED BAGGAGE issued by the United States of America Department of Transportation from the Office of the Secretary, Washington DC and highlighted the responsibilities laid forth by the Office of Aviation Enforcement and Proceedings regarding damage to luggage and the fact that Carriers and their agents’ refusals to accept damage reports by passengers. It also says that carriers should be prepared to reimburse the passenger appropriately. I know my rights and will pursue those rights to the fullest.

FYI - I had just purchased that suitcase only months before, and was traveling with it for the first time. On its maiden voyage, your airlines destroyed it – on my outgoing trip. I not only had to suffer the loss of my new luggage, I also had to run all over New Orleans trying to find something to just might hold it together long enough to get back home. The suitcase can never travel again, as it is literally split in two on one side – jeopardizing the safe transport of all things enclosed.

I have used Southwest Airlines as my carrier of choice for over 20 years now and have been happy with the airline and level of service. This was the annual “girl’s trip” to New Orleans that we’ve done now for 15 years. My entire group of friends has used Southwest for years and collectively, we have spent thousands of dollars traveling with your company.

You see, Southwest Airlines is supposed to be different from those other guys. You even have a heart as part of your logo, indicative of the love and care you have for your passengers. I have entrusted you with not only my life and the lives of my family, but also with all of our belongings. But now, you have lost my trust. You have said to me that you will take no responsibility for damaging my property. In the real world, if you break it, you buy it. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to mail you my broken suitcase so it can be a constant reminder of your failure as an airline, and your failure to do right by your travel guests. 

As an alternate choice, I know from the news that Southwest just had a record year and awarded its employees handsomely ($586 million dollars in profit sharing!), someone could pay replace my luggage with part of their bonus. Just a thought. I guess that might be how the airline is so profitable – by not paying for claims related to their negligence.

I have a choice when it comes to who I use for air transportation. And, if this request goes south and doesn’t provide the outcome that is right and just, I will have no choice but to give my hard earned money to another airline. It is not okay for you to destroy something and then take absolutely no responsibility for it.

As you read this, please know that I’ve CC’d some key players in your organization as well as provided them with your information. I apologize in advance if you are contacted regarding this issue, but it feels like the right course of action. I hope your decision will be adjusted and you will do the right thing as a company.

So, long story even longer, I finally got a call from a lady at SWA who apologized profusely for the way I’d been treated and the way my claim was handled. She offered to reimburse me for the luggage and I accepted.  I told her that all I ever wanted was to be heard and to be valued as a passenger.

Don’t let up on an airline if you truly feel that they should be liable for the damage. I’ll admit, my suitcase didn’t cost a great deal of money. It wasn’t really about the money. It was principle. I was denied twice, but I persevered. Make sure you follow their posted procedures, take photos and get on social media and timestamp your complaint. If you can record your interaction with any representatives, that would support your claim.

I know this was an especially long post by me, but I hope this helps anyone who may have to deal with a property damage claim due to mishandling or equipment. You have rights, believe it or not, and it’s about time we call out the airlines for it!

Peace out and travel on!

It's Time To Wake Up!

We shouldn’t be mad at our government. The voters put Trump in office, the voters put Republicans in charge of all three branches of government. Your brothers, sisters, parents, uncles, cousins, neighbors, friends, etc – they put Trump in office. So, now what? If we all keep saying the same things over and over and over, rest assured, we will get nowhere. We are going to have to change the narrative and learn to communicate with some common sense (which is clearly not all that common) and objectivity.

The majority of Americans are not pleased with the way things are going. The majority of Americans didn’t vote for Trump, despite his ridiculously unfounded claims of voter fraud. Let’s stop for a moment and think about this: he’s claiming 3-5 million people voted fraudulently. AT&T Stadium (where the Dallas Cowboys play) has a capacity of 100,000 people. You’ve seen it on TV. It’s MASSIVE! So, basically what Trump believes is that enough people to fill 30-50 AT&T Stadiums (to capacity) committed voter fraud. I don’t buy it. There’s no proof. When Jill Stein wanted to fund the recounts in certain states to look for voter irregularities, Republicans were ready for legal war, alleging that Stein was in bed with Clinton and there was nothing necessary to recount. According to them, it was a huge waste of money and time.

But now? Why is it important?  I’ll tell you why – because Trump cannot stand to lose – ANYTHING! He would rather spend taxpayer’s money investigating his ridiculous claim than focus on doing what’s best for our country – which is BRINGING US TOGETHER – as he promised, not furthering the divide. But if Trump is going to ban media because he doesn’t like what they say, enforce gag orders, etc., then we have much bigger problems to worry about. Where is the accountability? The only medium we’ve had in the White House all these years between the government and the people is the press.

All of these trivial things are likely a distraction from what’s really going on. Trump knows how people work. He knows how they think, he knows how to anger them, he knows how to lie again and again and get away with it. Keep your eyes open and quit arguing about the same things – those things are stealing your focus.

I believe that even the staunchest Trump supporter has their doubts about him right now. They’ll never admit it, but they are on edge. A whole set of working class people bought in and hoped for real change. Trump’s promises to bring back jobs and get rid of “business-as-usual” government offered hope. But now, we’re all left with this mess of a man who changes his opinions on the daily, who is stacking his cabinet with billionaires who will NEVER KNOW what it’s like to be us. Most have come from privilege and have never had to really get their hands dirty. And yet, ya’ll are okay with this? Nothing has changed, other than we have a wanna-be tyrant in office. His way or the highway. He gets satisfaction from being right. He needs the applause and fanfare to feel important. He chastises anyone who dare criticize him and throws around his legal money like candy. He threatens. He bullies. He lies. He’s a textbook narcissist. These are not opinions, these are facts. You can agree or not. I don’t care. I know what is real and what is cinema.

The real question is where do we go from here? Can we ever bring ourselves to have the hard conversations with those aforementioned people who voted for him? Can we find even the thinnest line of common ground? Like it or not, we NEED to find that common ground or we are screwed! All of this in-fighting and controversy will not bring us together. We cannot fight for this country if we are not one nation. Imagine that our deployed military troops wandered off and decided they didn’t want to fight anymore – they’d just sit around and watch everyone else fight and hope for the best. Isn’t that what we are doing as citizens essentially? The people in power count on those who couch sit and never get involved in government. They count on those people because those are the easily swayed, the easiest to control.

The government would get pretty worried if we all banded together and stood as one. But we all know that isn’t going to happen. We are a “let’s not get involved” society. The neighbor getting abused by her husband  - not our problem. The kids going hungry down the street - not our problem. Yet, all of those things should be our problem. We should be holding each other up and protecting our brothers and sisters. We should stand up for those who can’t stand on their own. We should be raising our voices to those who don’t have a voice. And our excitement and passion can shine through – not hatred, not negativity. Just love. Sincerity. Genuine care for humankind.

We can’t stand idly by and watch our country go down in flames. We can’t stand in silence while the rights of our friends and family get taken away. We can't just watch as millions of people lose healthcare or protections of coverage because they are fighting a disease or chronic illness. Well, maybe some can. But, I can’t. It’s not in my makeup to watch as others suffer or struggle. It’s not okay with me to see a man, backed by other powerful men, take advantage of the American people's trust. They’ll do the most damage when we are not looking; when we grow complacent. That is why we can’t get sidetracked by these trivial things that are dominating our social media circles. There’s a much more important story being told for our future. We must pay attention and search our souls. Then we must take action and do what’s right. Standing up for truth and justice is not an inconvenience for me. Is it for you? Will you care enough to bridge the divide and try to understand that we’re really not mad that Hillary lost? Would you try to understand that we just want someone in office who truly cares about us – all of us, equally? We want someone who can stand the rain, who can weather the storm. We need someone who is tough, but not critical or mean spirited; someone who is sincere and gives decisions that affects millions of people a great deal of thought. Not someone who just says, “Yeah, let’s do that” at another’s urging because they have no plan of their own. We need someone who cares about this planet who believes that every move we make now will undoubtedly affect our future generations. We need someone who really does want to bring us all together – people of all colors, all walks of life, each and every one.

We don’t currently have this person in office. And I don’t believe you can argue otherwise. It’s time to wake up. It’s time to see the truth. It’s time to come together. If we don’t try, soon it will be too late. 

Cheerleader for Humanity

I'm trying really hard to write something every day. Actually, I write a lot more than I post here on my blog. I have so much I want to say about a number of things. Most of it's not that important, just things that are meant to be positive or inspiring in some way. 

I used to be in an all-girl band back in Texas. We had a great following! I was such a cheerleader that the girls once got me a t-shirt that said, "I'm just one big f@#!ing ray of sunshine!" I resembled that remark. I was never a cheerleader in school, but I suppose I am a cheerleader for humanity. 

I grew up in one of the most amazing places in the world. Some of you may disagree, but I value my upbringing in Eastern Kentucky. I was an only child. I had to be creative and I had to be strong. I didn't have siblings to fight with, bond with, share clothes with or to stick up for me if someone gave me a hard time at school. I was on my own. I invented games and acted out plays in my backyard. I sang for the mountains and wrote a new Grammy acceptance speech as often as I would remember someone else to thank.

Growing up in a place where family is everything and helping people is just a way of life helped shape the woman I am today. Most folks were hard-working, God-fearing, genuine people who just wanted to make a good life for their kids and their community. Out here in this big, crazy world in real-time, I don’t see very much of that anymore. I know it occurs in pockets, but as a whole I see a very self-absorbed and selfish society that can’t put down their phones long enough to have a face-to-face conversation. I’m guilty of that myself some days, but I’m trying to be more conscious of what I’m doing. I want to draw others in rather than push them away by being too wrapped up in whatever electronic device I’m holding at the time.

As an artist, I take on a lot of the world’s pain. I suppose it’s because I create music (which is what feelings sound like) and write about what I observe. I write what I feel and not to feel what’s going on in the world is to not be aware. Extreme consciousness.

I think if we all got on the cheerleader bandwagon and headed on down to Positivityville, we could really make a difference. Am I alone in this thinking? Have we gotten so cynical that we don’t think it’s worth the effort? We’re not too far gone, are we?

I really hope for our future that people we circle back to days gone by and instead of trying to automate life in the name of progress and trends, they stop and take notice that there is no substitute for human interaction. There is no substitute for that conversation you could be having with a 95 year old who has seen everything from the first television to automobile autopilot technology. We have so much to learn from the past. History books have changed. Important information about our history is not being taught. Education has become more focused on test scores and funding and less about creativity and individuality. One size no longer fits all with education in today’s world, so why do schools continue to cookie cut the curriculum? I know people right now who cannot boil water but can write a sophisticated computer program. We explain life skills with CliffsNotes and then act surprised when people get in a pickle by not having the basic information to be successful as a human being.

How can we use shortcuts and expect our future generations to take care of our land, our country and our future? Will they respect elders like we were taught to growing up? Or will they continue to diminish their importance in society with continued reductions in healthcare and housing options for fixed-income seniors? Will they choose to protect our land or sell it off in the name of progress and greed, regardless of the long-term effects on the environment? Will we see more pollution in our oceans? More dumping of chemicals? More oil spills?

I really haven’t become a tree-hugging hippie, but I do know the value of our parks and our planet. And I honestly believe that most kids today do not know that the health of the ocean is essential to human survival. How can we change? What are our takeaways from the things we’ve learned thus far about the new generations?

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I know I can do my part by being a friend, neighbor and a good citizen. If I see my neighbor’s kids doing something dangerous, I’m not going to just stand there and watch them break their heads open. I’m going to step in and help. If I see a horrific incident, I’m not going to be filming it with my iPhone. I’m going to stop and help. If I see someone in need, I’m going to offer a hand. It’s not that hard to get back to doing human things. It’s not that hard to open up your heart and care about something besides yourself.

Be a good human. Be a cheerleader. Be whatever it takes to make our world a little brighter, a little better. We won’t be here forever but we can change the course of our future by taking action now.

Be good to each other. We’re all we’ve got. 

Mid-Life Crisis? Who, me?

It’s funny how you go along in life, time passes by so quickly and then you suddenly realize….YOU are middle-aged.

 I used to think that middle-aged meant someone well into their 50s - mostly because I never really did the literal math of a middle-aged person. But if you consider that the average life span for a woman these days is around 81 years, then I most certainly am middle-aged.

I have these moments when I wonder if I’m having a mid-life crisis. I think we all know how that stereotype plays out in men – buys sports car, divorces wife for younger woman, blah blah blah. But for a woman, what does a mid-life crisis look like?

Clearly, not everyone runs off with a youngster, buys a Ferrari or tries to create an alternate reality (where others still see you as a 25 year old) if they’re content in their lives. For me, I think crisis plays out in self-reflection, self-realization and facing the inevitable that each day is a little closer to death. That might sound a bit dark on the surface, but if you are as happy-go-lucky as I am, it morphs into something beautiful and ultimately fulfilling.

At this stage in my life, I just want to be happy and healthy. I want to travel and see incredible things with my eyes that my mouth cannot explain. I am incredibly fortunate to have found someone to love who loves me back, unconditionally. We have little fur babies who are such a joy (our “kids”) and who also love unconditionally. We have a loving and supportive family and a small circle of people we can actually call friends.  We have all of our basic needs met – food on the table, roof over our heads, etc.

I don’t need millions of dollars in the bank to make me happy. Money cannot buy my happiness. Some people think differently. I say to those people: you might get everything you want, but is it what you need? For your soul?

Too often, I see people chasing dollar signs – mostly because they have to stay fashioned in their luxury cars, and be able to afford those McMansions and the trendiest clothes. But if all those things burst into flames right now, what would they have left? Sure, money makes things a little easier, but it’s not everything. Now, I’m not saying that you can’t have it all. I’m just saying that one day all those material possessions won’t matter.

At the end of your days, if you can look back and say, “I was loved,” then you’ve lived a great life! And that can mean love from anyone – your partner, friends, family, pets – whoever you have in your life that brings you joy! Love comes in all shapes, colors, sizes and sources. If you have it, consider yourself blessed! And if you give it, then you have brought it all full circle.

Love goes on long after we do.

Now, that’s a nice legacy! And if realizing what’s most important is my mid-life crisis? I’ll take it. 

Born To Love

I’ve been trying really hard to come up with the exact point in time when we all used to get along, as a people – as a country. I’m still working on that one, but I know it was in my life time. I don’t ever remember a time before now that I was in utter awe and disgust at things coming out of people’s mouths. I’m also trying really hard to forget about this election and people at each other’s throats. I honestly feel that if I put a bumper sticker on my car to support ANYONE that it would be set on fire within minutes by the radical opposition – and by radical, I pretty much mean anyone with a strong opinion and a can of gasoline.

Some have taken “opinion” to a new level. Opinion used to simply be a viewpoint, belief or outlook. Now opinions can get a few punches thrown your way – or even death. Ask any sports fan who’s been attacked for expressing a strong “opinion” to the opposition, if they survived. We’ve hit a new low in this country – one I sincerely thought I would never see in my lifetime.

I really do blame social media, though I probably should just blame the people who are being an ass, but I digress. Social media has given a powerful voice to the cowardly. A voice that can be heard from anywhere at any time and can be as destructive as humanly possible without any tangible consequences. It has created digital monsters that lurk and troll and create powerful enemies with their words, photos and rants, and likely, they NEVER have to face them. They are the antichrists of humankind, spreading evil throughout the world. I think these people are far more dangerous than any terrorist group on this planet.

I read somewhere that the chances of being killed by a terrorist attack are about 1 in 20 million. The odds of being murdered in America are roughly 1 in 6,100.  (Though, if you are in Chicago – well, just get the hell out of Chicago!) So, we post our strong opinions and hope and pray that we are not the targets of someone’s vengeance.

I’m a person who posts a lot off feel good fluff, for lack of a better description. I try so very hard to stay out of the mix and offer a little positivity and kindness to the world. But there are times when I have to stand up for things being said that are not okay. And in those moments, I advertise that I actually have a voice. Sometimes that makes people angry. Sometimes it makes them think.

I’ve always tried to stand up for injustices. I remember a specific time when I was younger and attended church with an entire family that was deaf/mute. Some of the kids in my Sunday school class were mocking one of the girls and how she sounded when she tried to speak. I remember crying so hard. I felt so bad for her. I was uncomfortable in immediate confrontation back then. So, I went home and wrote a poem about how we should treat people the same, no matter what and asked to read it that next Sunday in church. I could hardly get through it without choking up. I knew I was putting it all out there and would look up and see that family looking at me when I read the words I had written. I was terrified but it needed to be done. And all I wanted to do was let the offending kids know their behavior was not okay. And I wanted the family to know, especially that little girl, that I still loved them, despite others words and actions.

I think that sometimes, even as adults, we still have that need to be accepted. And sometimes teasing or mocking – whether it is a celebrity, politician or otherwise - sometimes the lines of decency are crossed. And you’ve got to be brave enough to stand behind the line and tell others why you won’t cross it.  You’ve got to stand up and fight for those who can’t.

Bottom line is, we’ve become too gruff and too rigid. We won’t tolerate or consider another’s opinion to the point of intentionally hurting them with words and rude comments. We are easily angered and agitated. Why are we this way? If this is you, please search your heart. If you engage – are you hurting someone in the process? Is it worth it to perpetuate the joke? Is it worth it to wound another for the laugh? Life is fleeting so it is ideal to make it the greatest you can and, though clichéd, put your best foot forward. 

You weren’t born to hurt others. You were born to love. 

WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN?

What is this world coming to? We are living in telling times. Times that speak volumes about who we are and what our legacy will be once we are long gone. 

As a writer, expressing emotions and revelations about the human condition with music, I tend to be an observer of people. I read, I watch, I listen - words, body language, actions. I see everything from a perspective not common to most. As a result, I always feel like I'm in a heightened state. It's not always a comfortable place to be - it causes me great pain when I see more of the bad than good. And when I see the good, it settles my soul. But we are living in a time when I've taken on some heavy emotions lately. Some observations...

We laugh and mock others for their misfortunes or mistakes. We sit behind lighted boxes saying things....awful things.....our parents would've made us wash our mouths out with soap for saying such things!! And if you do those things anonymously, you are even lower on the totem pole of dignity. 

We've made the unimportant our biggest time wasters, stealing us away from the things that should matter most. Violence, murder, etc. etc. - all commonplace on TV and in the movies we watch. We are no longer shocked by anything. We've put the worst out there to be seen and heard by all. If we are inconvenienced in our drive or commute by traffic, we expect to see at least blood - because it "better be something terrible if it's holding up my day." 

We laud and applaud loudmouths and reality show stars because they provide a source of entertainment. We put them on pedestals, rush out to buy the wares they're hawking so we can brag about what we have. We are making them millions for doing absolutely nothing while we are going broke, trying like hell to keep up with the Kardashians. It's nonsense. 

People read. People watch. People notice. I know, just from Facebook alone (because some folks just can't keep it to themselves), who's a hate-spewing bigot and who's trying to be a good person. I even have relatives who can't post ANYTHING good - not a word of kindness or joy in any of their posts. Just rhetoric or gloom and doom. What a sad place to live. But I don't feel bad for them because they made the choice to be that way. 

THIS IS NOT US. WE WEREN'T TAUGHT TO BE THIS OR TO ACT THIS WAY. 

We have become so lax in policing our own words or actions - how can we possibly expect future generations to be any better? We are not part of the problem - we ARE the problem. Either you are actively participating in or perpetuating this madness or you are not. There is no in-between. Even inaction makes you guilty by not saying or doing anything to bring some good into this world and shut down those who haven't a kind word in their vocabulary. Will you use your powers for good or for evil? 

Here's a news flash - no matter how awesome you think you are in life, death doesn't care because all graves are the same size. What do you want to be remembered for? What will be your legacy? One of love, acceptance and kindness? Or one of no integrity, no decency and no empathy.

I saw something earlier that said, "If the words you spoke appeared on your skin...would you still be beautiful?" 

The choice is yours.

Random Thoughts...From Your Dog

• If it makes me feel scared or stressed, I don’t want to do it!

• If you feed me, give me love and play with me, I will protect you to the ends of the earth and back. I will never leave your side.

• I will sleep in as long as you want to sleep in. Until I have to go potty….then we are ALL getting up!

• I need a lot of rest because it’s a big job protecting my family and our home.

• When we play, I’m ALL IN because I believe in giving 100% of myself 100% of the time!

• I guess that goes for eating and sleeping too. LOL! (Yes, I LOL….doesn’t your dog?)

• I get a little grumpy when I’m tired or hungry. If you feed me or let me take a nap, I’ll be much better!

• I really do trust you….until you try to hide things from me - - like that pill you wrapped up in my treat? Not funny.

• Please don’t take it personally if I don’t like going to the vet. I have a keen sense of smell and can pick up on the energy in the room. I can smell sickness…..even death. It makes me very sad and anxious.

• Please don’t get angry with me or raise your voice. It makes me feel bad – like I’ve disappointed you. And I never want to disappoint you. I am only here to love you and be a part of your life for a little while. Let’s make the best of it.

• Sometimes it’s your fault that I peed in the house. I try to tell you I needed to go outside, but you’re always looking at that flat box in your hand. I can only assume that flat box makes everything else invisible.

• When you say “go” – do you mean for a car ride or a walk? Please be specific because I have different celebration dances I’d like to try out.

• If you ever need a taste tester when you’re cooking, I’m a willing participant! I mean, if I spit it out, you know it’s not good or I just didn’t like the texture. Might be good information, especially if you’re going to invite people over.

• Speaking of having people over, you are RIGHT to not trust anyone that I don’t like.

• And last, but not least, I love to lick your face! Kisses make you laugh and I love to hear you laugh. It makes me happy to make you happy. Let’s be friends forever and know that even after I leave this earth, I am still with you – protecting you and loving you. 

Are You Happy Now?

Greetings from the land of fruits, nuts and flakes! It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged so I thought I’d take some time to sit down and write.

I’ve been thinking about moving to a place that is slower-paced than Los Angeles. A place with lush green vegetation…where people still offer up a smile when you pass them on the street. It is a little taxing on the soul being around so many faceless people day in and day out. The city is too big to travel much outside of a comfortable 5-10 mile radius. Traffic is a beast and prevents me from having a ‘nice drive’ anywhere….even on Sundays. The beach seems close to the average person – only about 25 miles. But add in an hour or more drive time and a minimum of 30 minutes to find parking (which can also be pretty expensive) and enter buzz kill. The water is cold-- even in the hottest part of the summer. I’ve never been able to get more than a calf in the water without the shrill cries of frigid agony.

For me, I think the city has lost its appeal. It may be because I don’t really like it here. I don’t care for the people – they’re too self-absorbed. It may be because I’ve grown complacent and tired in the pursuit of a writing career. I’m getting older, I have no retirement plan, no health benefits and no job security. But my desire to be happy is fully intact. So today I asked myself, “If you were truly happy, how would your life be different?”

I have been energized by the allure of moving to a calmer, nicer place. I was getting excited looking for houses and a different job. I was excited about being closer to friends and relatives. And then it hit me. Am I doing everything I can where I am to make change happen in my life? What will moving solve?

I think sometimes the enticement of something new is deceiving. It’s a huge task to take on – this moving business. It can be exhausting. And there’s no guarantee that in the end I will be any happier. What would it take to make me happy now? What changes need to occur to be happy where I am?

So, I ask you….are you happy now? What would it take? Are you doing everything you can to MAKE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS? It’s long since been said that you can manifest your own happiness. It’s a state of mind. It’s hard work and requires constant effort, this staying positive in such a negative world. But if we can truly manifest what we want in our lives, then what are we waiting for?

I have some work to do. How about you?

One Love

Everyone has their own battles

Some fighting the good fight

Trying to stand up for what’s right

Some use their holy books

To spew hate and challenge your eternal fate

If you don’t walk the same path as them

This is nothing new

Been going on long before me and you

Things that happened in other lands

Have now made it to our shores

Now there’s bloodshed and words said

That make people rethink their worth and

They choose to leave this world too soon

Believing it will help the cause

Hoping to give the enemy pause

But even in their end they can’t effect change

The way you and I can

The only way is united we stand

Divided we always fall

Since the beginning of man

That’s been our downfall

What we need is one love

One universal love

Security for all, peace for everyone

I hope this is the battle

That can be won

Keep the faith

Use your power for good

And stay away

From those ignorant fools

By default they’ll have

To come around

When the rest of society

Is on them like a bloodhound

Breathing peace and tolerance

Down their neck

They’ll only have one move left

This could be the end of pain

Feel the drops of the healing rain.

What An Amazing Place!!

I was flying across this wonderful country recently and made it a point to look out the window for most of the flight. As I marveled over the differences in terrain, from lush green landscapes to barren brown deserts, I thought to myself, "We live in one of the most incredible places on Earth!"


I've often thought that I wanted to travel the world; to see and experience all of the breathtaking things this planet has to offer. And that day I realized we take a lot of things for granted here in the States. I rarely stop to think of how easy it is to just hop on a plane and be anywhere you want in a matter of hours. That's pretty convenient, now isn't it? And pretty flipping amazing!

On this cross-country journey, I changed my thinking a little. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'll never take the good 'ol US of A for granted ever again. I'm just saying I've vowed to stop and enjoy the moment more often. I see the need and benefit of living in the moment and having a grateful heart. There is so much more to life than planning for days that haven't yet arrived. Life is happening NOW, right in front of us. Whether or not we choose to notice might be the difference in total happiness....completeness.

Stop for a moment and think about all those times you didn't live in the moment. Did you enjoy that moment to it's fullest? Or were you so worried about this or that, that you didn't fully enjoy the ride you were on?

My point here is: we all live busy lives with jobs, responsibilities, kids, hobbies, etc. But why must we rush through everything just to get to the next meeting, engagement, kid's soccer game? Slow down. Life already goes by too quickly and before you know it, you're wondering where it all went. You can do something about it right now. Slow your roll, stop and smell the roses. Breathe.

Life is too short to take shallow breaths. Breathe it all in and savor every single moment that you're LIVING in. 

Just. Live.
Sally

What Is Love....Baby Don't Hurt Me.....

Life is a vast canvas that we paint with our life experiences. If your painting was unveiled today, what would it look like?

I've always felt that we are all here for one central reason....LOVE. That means, we seek to love and be loved. Without it, there is no reason to exist. Everything that we do incorporates some form of love - our work, our philanthropy, our time, our conversations, our relationships. We are not always born into love, but the human condition craves it, making it our lifelong journey to find happiness. And along this journey, it is inevitable that we experience hurt. Hurt is a derivative of love.

Love is in full bloom when you open up your heart with vulnerability, honesty and complete abandon - not caring what happens in that moment that you love as long as you can FEEL that one crazy emotion that would make you lay down your life for another. If you have ever been lucky enough to feel that rush, to ride that high, to look in another's eyes and see nothing but good, then you have felt love.

But, what happens when something gets a little whopper-jawed and love doesn't seem so easy anymore? It's no longer effortless, but more of a chore to get to that feeling of bliss. Let's examine further.

Relationships take work, effort, and action -- and it's the constant, sustained action that keeps the home fires burning. Sometimes life just gets in the way and there's no time for nurturing, so we just roll along with complacency and eventually things start falling apart. Wouldn't it be fair to say if we took as much time out of every day for relationship maintenance as we did on Facebook, Twitter or texting, we'd all be in a better place?

Arguably, some say it takes more than love to make a long-term relationship work. I say love it is a flower, and you it's only seed. (Wait, isn't that a song?) Moving on. It takes a lot to make a relationship work: patience, respect, time, trust, communication, understanding, compromise, etc. I could go all day. But, ALL of those qualities arise out of love. If you truly love someone, you never forget the reasons why you were drawn to them. You never forget what makes them smile or laugh. You never forget those amazing moments when you couldn't see spending any moment of your life without them in it. And you'll never forget how they made you feel.

So, if you're wondering if you should continue in a relationship that seems more like a friendship these days, stop and think about all those moments that were great. Search your cerebral hard drive and call up some older files that you haven't accessed in awhile. You might be pleasantly surprised at your findings. Make a list of all the things you adore about your mate. Stop focusing on what's wrong with your relationship and start thinking about what's right. You're certain to find more good than bad. After all, YOU were the one who invited that wonderful person to be a part of your life in the first place. You can't be THAT terrible a judge of character, right?

Change IS life, that's why the canvas is so vast - to include all of the seasons of your many experiences. Adapting to those changes is human nature. Things rarely remain the same, so you have an opportunity to shine as you adapt and become stronger with your faith and your relationship. If you care about any other more than yourself, then you are one of the lucky to have found love. Don't throw it away because you think it will be too much work to fix it. Chances are, it was never really that broken.

So, get back in the game - not with your head, but with your heart. The greatest advice anyone ever gave me was "Listen to your heart. It will never steer you wrong."

Peace, love and change...it's what makes the world go 'round.
Sally

Am I The Problem?

Ever have one of those moments where you feel so sorry for yourself? Everything sucks. Everyone sucks. I can't do anything right. Do you have an excuse for EVERYTHING? Then, guess what? YOU are the problem you need to address.

Tough love, people! I've said it before, but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you haven't sincerely changed anything about you, or about the way you think or about the people you surround yourself with, then you cannot expect life's circumstances to change. You can pray all you want....ask the universe to change things.....hope you win the lottery....but, guess what? You won't get any of those things until you make adjustments from within.

People who are happy, who you admire, who are making a difference in the world, have a different mindset than most individuals. They have a winning mindset! They thrive on positive energy, believe in the possibilities, surround themselves with like-minded people and then they take ACTION to put things in motion. Stagnation will not help you reach your goals. If greatness exists only in your mind, then you will never achieve your goals.

You must be great NOW! You  must walk the walk of a successful person NOW! You must talk the talk of a successful person NOW! Don't say, "When I finally have money and I am successful, then I will be happy." Make a choice to be happy NOW with what you have NOW and you will see change materialize like you've never seen it before. Be positive NOW and you will continue to see positive things happen in your life.

If you wait on them to come to you, well, enjoy waiting....cause it ain't gonna happen!! Go get it! Go do what you love for a living! Go find people who make you happy when you're around them! Be a good friend! Listen more than you speak and when you speak, make it positive, uplifting and leave people feeling better about themselves. Give compliments. Smile at strangers. Don't judge. Give a homeless person a dollar instead of yelling at him to "get a job!" Don't give to receive. Have a pure, honest heart. Always do good, never evil.

Most of all, be kind to everyone you meet. We are all here on similar journeys. We all want the same basic comforts that life has to offer. The only way to acquire those comforts is to be the best person you can be and pass that joy along to others. If we cannot bring joy to others, then what's the point of being here??

If you think otherwise, I'd love to hear from you.

Money Changes Everything

Lately, times have been a little difficult financially. It's not that I need a whole lot of money to be complete, but it certainly makes you appreciate those days when you had a little more cushion. It seems as though it's consumed me...the worry of it all. Will we be able to live? Can we still afford the house we live in? And of course, the 'what if' worries.....what if this happens...what if that happens.

Somewhere, in the big middle of all the worrying, I forgot how to live. Correction....I didn't forget HOW to live, I just forgot TO live. I'm sure I'm not alone in this slowly sinking boat...am I? Simple fact is, if I don't LIVE, what's the point of all the worry? I'm not doing anything of value anyway. Why carry on?

It's a double-edge sword, this money thing. It consumes you when you have it and when you don't.

My point here is, that the old adage, "Money changes everything" doesn't just apply to those that have a ton of it. It also changes the way you think and act when you have just enough to get by. The importance of the almighty dollar isn't so glamorous anymore. What's glamorous is having your basic needs met. What's important is not that new must-have Gucci bag. What's important is LIVING! Drawing in each day as if it were your last breath. No matter what you situation, you have to live life to it's fullest. Whatever capacity that is for you - LIVE LIFE!!! There is no greater moments than those that touch the soul.

Live now, while you have the chance. Don't wait around for the worries to end or for you to have enough money to live. No better time than the present. It's a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT.

Peace, love and LIFE!
Sally